More Stupid Spamese & Screwy Handles

I've managed to gather more Spamese, pidgin English and bad grammar, as well as some very interesting names that spammers have come up with. I hope whoever reads this isn't an English teacher--you'll have nightmares for weeks! Anyway, here's my Collection, so enjoy!

The Spammer Hammer

"Complement of the day"--nice salutation, but not for a professional business letter!

"Can you do this deal for me?" Kinda sounds like a pimp nicely asking his "employee" to do him a "favor", doesn't it?

"Gabbed Alice"--name of a spammer. Wonder if she is as "Gabby" as her name?

"Holla, you are blessed". I thought it was "Praise Allah", or is this the Spanish version of "Allah"?? At any rate it was in a lottery spam I received.

"You are a beneficiary of $750,000 from Irish Lottery". Sounds like "You are the proud papa of a bouncing baby spam".

"Ocupation"-- Is a "cup" of spam involved somehow?

"Claim Williams"--name of a spammer who "claims" I won the lottery--that I never entered.

"Okadima Dick"--I won't go there with what I'm now thinking.

"Peter More"--A spammer who's trying hard to rob his victims of "More" money.

"Dear Beloveth"--All this spammy needs for "Christmas" is a "d" instead of an "eth" and your money.

"a french man"--does this come with a BLT?

"Good fortune has planted you with a name into the center of relevance in my life"--from a smooth-talking spammer who's trying to get me to agree to some big "business" deal and make it easier to rob me. Really! It wasn't a marriage proposal!!

"Compliment of the season"--This is a salutation good for all year round!

"I am hereby to inform you"--rather clumsy attempt at being professional and formal, isn't it?

"You can also reply me with..." I'd rather flatten you with a sledge hammer.

"I have been waiting for you since regarding..." Ever notice how spammers never actually come out and say what's going on? Instead of saying, "I have been waiting for you since April 1st, regarding, etc. etc." They are very vague, and this is a sure sign that there is nothing in the offensive e-mail but stinking spam.

"Public Relation Officer"--can only have one "relation" at a time, I guess.

"I wish to use these medium"--so go have a seance and leave me in peace!

"Note that this is an opportunity for this special season"--Xmas or Easter, Spammy Sammy?? Either way, I'm not going to let you rob me!

"Payroll urgent needed"--Must be from China!

"ATTN: Your Attention is Needed Urgently"--Attention, attention!! Do I hear an "echo-echo"??

"Mr. Williams Smart"--name of a stupid moronic spammer.

"Compasention Arrengment"--more pidgin English to amuse you and scare English teachers!

"Special Easter bounus for you"--careful! The Easter Bunny will be mad at your bounus!

"Contact Western Union via"--"via" what, Spammy Sammy???

"Thanks for Mr. Paul Black Your cooperation. Yours Faithfully"--Makes a lotta sense, don't it? But I don't feel much "thanks for Mr. Paul Black" and I hope he crawls back under his rock!

"Respectively"--as opposed to what, Spammy Sammy

"Who is Lynney Kirkman to you?" None of your beeswax, Spammy Sammy, and why do you wanna know?

"i wait to hear from you soon"--Keep waitin', Bubba. Gonna be a long "wait"!

"to pick the $5000 now"--I'd rather pick my nose, thanks.

"This mail serves as a listening ear to the victims of scam the world over." I have 3 words--"Pot? Kettle? Black?"

"I am looking forward to your soonest reply"--er, the little men in the white coats and butterfly nets should be along any moment, Spammy Sammy.

"Sky High Loan"--I'll bet your rates are even higher!

"As a matter of facts"--you need to go back to grammar school and get the "facts" of life!

"Read and get back ASAP"--Don't call me your pet names, Spammer! And you "get back" and stay outta my private e-mail with your spam--"Loretta"!

"Will Bobby" --another snake posing as a "barrister"

"Award Board"--does one really exist??

"Sir McWright Rice"--thinks he's hot and wants your dough.

"Did you know Mr. Bill Carlon?" Question from a spammer. I had to reply and tell then he was my business associate, and I wouldn't do business with them anymore because they "were rude" to my "Partner"! Wonder if he'll "reply back soonest?"

"Greeting"--only one "greeting" to a customer please.

"We later find out..." Good thing you didn't "later found out"!

"Cabana Tammy"--posing as an "oncologist" trying to "unload" her "Yorkie puppies". Any " oncologist" selling/giving away puppies should not be trusted!

"mtcn"--I'm clueless.

"Dr. Wellma Omar"--Dr. of Spam

"Fiduciary"--I'm clueless, but I've only seen this term in spam e-mails.

"Concern" --Salutation in a spam e-mail.

"Humaniterian"--The "Humaniterian" thing here to do would be to put this spammer out of commission!

"Mr. Tony Balow"--another funky handle for a spammer.

"Letter from Daniel and Mary"--not from the Bible, but from Spammy Land. They are brother and sister (orphans) who want their "undisclosed recipients" to take them in, love them, give them a home, so they can repay you by robbing you. Sorry. I don't take in stray dogs.

"Monday Lottery"--so what happened to the other Six Day Lotteries???

"From Jaunther Again"--Again??? Must've missed the first one! Thank goodness! One's more than enough!

"I don't really understand the way thing are going with you and I cos at first"...--I have no idea what "Jaunther Again" is talking about! This should make the Hall of Fame for the Dinghiest Spams!

"Urgently (Approved by the FBI)"--really? Must be desperate!

"You stand a chance of 30% in this venture."--Odds don't look good. Forget it.

"Re-remittance"--guess this is what happens when you can't rob your "undisclosed recipients" the first time.

"Underlisted e-mail address"--which is probably overlisted.

"Robert Funnell"--another cute handle for a spammer.

"to be deliver"--only if it comes with deonions!

Remember the Three B's: "Be smart. Be safe. Be informed." Knowledge is power against a spammer.